My lack of a social life, the wall of 99 bottles of mixed emotions and the many ideas and opinions about everything urged me to begin this blog. I didn’t exactly do it to for people to read however, to know that people that I do not know are reading something that I have written is a great feeling. Mainly though, I began this blog to express the feelings, thoughts and ideas that I don’t share with my family or friends.
My family is great, don’t get me wrong but they don’t care. The same with my friends, the only time my best friend talks to me is when her boyfriend is busy, at the moment he is in another country, so guess who is getting all the texts recently.
Three weeks ago I was in a really sad, unhappy place. I cried all the time. I cried at school, at dinner, everywhere. I was stressed about school, feeling unwanted by my friends and ignored by my family. Things have started to get much much better. I have finished school for the year, the friends that don’t want to talk to me don’t and I’m getting along with my family much better.
I just want someone to talk to. Sure my best friend is great but she knows everything about me. I want someone new so I can selfishly dump my problems on them and they can do the same. Only problem is I cannot talk to people. I suck at starting conversations, I just have an inability to put myself out there to talk to someone. I don’y know what to say to start with but I care way to much what they think of me. I act like I don’t but I do.
I want to gain the confidence to do this. To start a conversation, to make new friends. I want to care about what others think, but not let it hinder my life and decisions.
I hope that this is what my blog does, I want it to give me the courage to voice my feelings and stand up for myself, which I never do.
Now I just have to have the motivation to do these things.